Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Play Toy

Throughout grade school I was always the tallest kid in my class. This had its advantages, for one people didn't mess with me very much. Even older kids who tried to bully me backed down pretty quickly when I surprisingly would stand up for myself. My friends weren't complaining either as they always felt safe and protected. 

When somebody had something negative to say about metal I could usually persuade them to change their opinions faster than the needle dropping onto my favorite AC/DC record. Even though I was big and had a hair trigger temper I still leaned towards word over fist in childhood confrontations.  Perhaps I knew subconsciously that the mind is the most powerful weapon of all.

In 1980/1981 I discovered a "Playboy" magazine in my father's underwear drawer one day while trying to rustle up some quarters for the arcade. Dolly Parton was on the cover and I couldn't WAIT to see her boobs! Little did I know she wasn't even naked inside, there was just an interview with her! I felt so ripped off but that lasted a whole two seconds once I saw my first centerfold! Needless to say I was instantly hooked on the rag and hid it under my mattress.

The next night I couldn't wait to view it again but was shocked to find it was gone! "Oh shit I'm dead" I thought, but breakfast passed the next morning and not a word was spoken about it.  The next thing I knew it was like a game or ritual, or perhaps even a right of passage was unfolding. I'd steal the mag nightly, hide it under my bed & the next day it would be back in dad's underwear drawer and not a word was spoke about it. To this day I still have no clue if it was my mom or dad who kept returning the playboy to its rightful spot on a daily basis, but I love them for it none the less!

I was flirting with girls at a young age, knew how babies were made & was now eyeing up my female classmates to see who was growing bumps! I was never interested in reading time but now here I was at the front of the class, lying on my stomach, trying to catch a glimpse of what was under my grade 3 teacher mrs. Bernie's skirt.  As smart as I was for my age, ironically all I had to do was analyze the lyrics to some of my favorite songs to learn about the birds and the bees, as a lot of the stuff I was listening to was chock full of sexual innuendos. I was just to busy rocking out to the music to realize it at the time...

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