Cashing cheques & Captain Caveman

Although my new job at Via Post was somewhat boring to say the least, there was one very exciting aspect about it...getting paid every Friday. I was taking home about $250.00 a week after taxes, which was quite a lot of money for a 15 year old kid in 1988. The coffee truck driver used to give us credit all week long and then on Fridays he would cash our cheques for us and take his cut, this was pretty awesome to me seeing as I didn't even have to goto the bank. Every week I usually owed him about $40-$60 for all the food and cigarettes I consumed over the week. The rest of the money was mine to do what I pleased with it.

Being young and naive I typically spent the remainder of my cheque by the end of each weekend, and I really didn't have a lot to show for it. Most of my money was spent on alcohol, marijuana and fast food. The only material items I was continuously buying were band shirts, most of which I ordered out of heavy metal magazines, clothes, shoes, and skateboard decks. I also became an avid reader of Thrasher Magazine, and was ordering stuff from them quite often as well. All the shoes I bought at the time were $7.00 sonics, converse rip offs that you could find at BiWay (miss that place dearly) I'd adorn mine with killer artwork, always using a circular symbol on the heels such as a D.R.I. logo for example. After awhile people started to really take notice, to the point where they were paying me to design custom shoes for them.

These are a few of my favorite things

Skateboard decks were probably the one thing I spent the majority of my money on now however, as I was practically buying a new deck every week! I wasn't even getting to skateboard as much either as I was always working or was up at the trailer. The odd day we would skate however instead of playing Nintendo, usually at the French school down at the bottom of our street, or if I was up early enough I'd venture over to Ching Park for a late morning shred session. I ended up meeting quite a lot of different skaters at the Ching bowl and people were always trading or selling boards there, so I'd bring my old decks with me and open up for business.

I remember showing up there one day and there were some older thrashers ripping up the bowl, there was one guy in particular who definitely stood out from the bunch. This guy was barely taller than 5 feet and had red hair that was all one length, that stopped somewhere between his waist and his knees. On his board there was a small SLAYER logo in white on top of the grip tape and I was instantly curious as to how that was possible. The dude resembled Cousin It from The Addams Family, or one of my favourite old cartoon characters Captain Caveman, he had by far the longest hair I'd ever seen! I later learned he was actually the older brother of one guitarist from the Epileptic Brain Surgeons (Paul Donohoe) and apparently he had his own band as well called "Distortion" if I recall correctly. His name was Steve Donohoe.

Little did I know on that day way back in 1988 was the fact that this guy was going to be an important part of my life and my musical ventures in the years to come...And how did he do that grip tape job???

Trailer Park Boys

Typically on Friday afternoons we would skip out on our regular Nintendo playing so we could get Dennis' car packed up with all our gear for our weekend excursion to their Uncle's trailer. Mainly clothes, sleeping bags, food and beer, that way when Dennis came to pick us up after work we were ready to roll.

The trailer was up in a small northern town named Midland, about an hour or two north of Toronto. Smith's Trailer Park was the name of our destination. Jerry's uncle actually had two trailers side by side so us boys actually got our own trailer to stay in for the weekend. All we really did up there was drink, smoke, swim, and try to meet girls, which was almost effortless seeing as we were the "fresh meat" of the park. Plus being city boys with some swagger and attitude and unique looks only helped us out in our quest for the ladies. We would usually take a drive on Saturday or Sunday afternoon out to Penatanguishine, to visit Jerry and Dennis' cousin "Kevin" who was a patient in the mental health facility. That was always interesting to say the least.

Jerry and I were only 15 but it wasn't uncommon for each of us to put back 12-24 beers a day every weekend we were there. The park also had a small arcade with vending machines so we hung out there quite a bit during the days. Plus it was always a good place to meet girls. Eventually I became romantically involved with Jerry's cousin, who's father owned the very trailer I was using to seduce her in every weekend. Looking back on this it seems like I was up to some risky business, but back then I was blind to that fact.

One day we were bored so we decided to venture into town and see if we could find anything interesting. We had heard murmurings of a shopping mall in town so we opted to see if we could locate it, which we did with ease since the town wasn't much of a town at all, it was more so just a small strip if road with a few businesses occupying it. This was the smallest mall I had ever been inside of in my life. It literally took 5 minutes to walk from one end of it to the other. There were really no stores of interest there whatsoever, until we came across a small booth in the far end of the mall.

This booth actually had some cool pins and patches of bands, including some thrash and hardcore bands much to my surprise. They also had the old typical iron on transfers for t-shirts like most t-shirt booths in malls did. As I flipped through the pages of cheesy designs and bad quotes my eyes were caught by a very familiar image....Anthrax's "Spreading The Disease" album cover. Needless to say within minutes I was the proud owner of a new kick ass shirt!

We had a lot of good times up there that summer and it was really our only escape from the working life each weekend for 3 months straight. By the end of the summer I had broken up with Jerry's cousin so things became a bit awkward when we were up there, but regardless it was an important place for me and another factor in defining the man I was growing up to be...

Penatang Mental Health Hospital

Via Post

Summer was in full motion and I was very curious to see what it held in store for my friends and I. In the beginning it was a lot of skateboarding at Ching park during the day and a lot of hanging out at 7-11 during the night trying to find parties to crash. That all came to a halt quickly when I landed my first full time job.

To be quite honest I don't even remember how I got this particular job. I have no recollection of ever applying for it or being interviewed for the job, but I had a job none the less. Jerry also got a job at the same place the same time I did so we would be working together on a daily basis now. Our shift was from 3pm until 11:30....or perhaps midnight I can't remember. We were getting paid $6.25 an hour which was roughly $2.25 more than most kids our age were making at their minimum wage jobs.

The place was called Via Post and we worked on an assembly line bundling flyers, the kind of flyers you would typically find inside your towns local news paper. The job was fairly boring and repetitive but having Jerry at my side kept things interesting since I had a friend to talk to. The place was fairly fun to work at despite the boringness of the job and I even met my first official drug dealer, he was a receiver there and was my first real contact to score weed and hash from.

Our daily ritual was the same, I'd get up about 11am, shower and dress, then head over to Jerry's to play Super Mario brothers or Punch out on his brand new Nintendo entertainment system. We would play straight through until 2:30 pm at which time his mother would drive us to work. On last break we would always blaze some goodies with the receiver which was the highlight of the day to me. When we were finished work Jerry's brother Dennis would pick us up and drive me home. The next day we would repeat the routine. This was all I knew all summer long.

On Fridays however when Dennis picked us up the routine changed dramatically, he wouldn't drop me off at home. Instead the three of us would head up to their uncle's trailer for a weekend of fun and non-relaxation...

Exams

Within the blink of an eye spring had transitioned into summer and my first year of high school was coming to an end. I had pulled my socks up so to speak as far as my grades went and I was ready to take my exams in full confidence. I managed to keep my nose pretty clean that first year with a mere single visit to the principals office after exchanging some harsh words with my French teacher one day. I sat in the office waiting to be disciplined but no one even acknowledged my presence there. When the bell rang for lunch I simply got up and left.

As far as our band went we seemed to be doing more talking about it than any actual progress. We still jammed on Saturdays but we spent the majority of our time learning cover songs instead of making our own original material. The Epileptics had teamed up with another local Brampton band named Curious Mold and they recorded a demo, which I was lucky enough to receive a copy of from my old pal John McCuish. Both the bands had business cards made so we decided to follow suit. Ryan's dad worked for Kodak Canada and he linked us up with some bright yellow business cards he made at work. We now felt another step closer to becoming a real band.

I think the party life consumed us once we got a taste of it, which in turn put G.P.K. on the back burner. Our friday nights were like a ritual now. I'd take an empty beer bottle from my dads beer case and fill it half way with various shots of liquor from the old mans cabinet. I'd fill the other half of the bottle with pop for mixer and I was set for the night. Typically we would hang around the 7-11 parking lot in hopes of catching wind of a party. Most of the time we would eavesdrop on other people's conversations and then show up party crasher style. It seemed the more parties we went to the easier it was to get in as people were starting to know us. Plus grade nine kids were having parties now as well which made it much easier for us to get in without the anxiety and fear of being beaten and kicked out in humiliation.

I ended up passing all of my exams with ease, even my English exam that I decided to get drunk prior to for some unknown reason. I downed a Mickey of gin walking to school that morning then stomped on the empty bottle which resulted in broken glass. One of the shards managed to find its way through the sole of my shoe and into the bottom of my foot. Being intoxicated definitely silenced the pain for the time being. As I wrote my exam I noticed a slow but steadily growing pool of blood on the floor under my foot. Regardless of my stupidity I managed to ace the exam with flying colours.

I passed all my courses and completed my first year of high school without any serious incidents that would be detrimental to me. Summer break was now here and I was very excited to see what it held in store for me and my friends...

Sacrifice Sisters

Whenever I was at the mall hanging out and getting up to no good, I would make a point of stopping by Mr.Sub to see the sacrifice sisters and chat them up. They were the best of friends. Their names were Lydia and Laura. Both of them were of European descent and they both were towering, curvy amazons standing at around six feet tall. Both had dark hair and dark eyes and they were both very talkative and friendly.

I believe Lydia was Croatian and Laura was Italian, Lydia being the more attractive of the two. Laura wasn't hard on the eyes by any means, but she seemed a bit more butch and had a very deep voice. Her brother was also a well known tough guy who wasn't to be fucked with so I had no desire to pursue her, but Lydia on the other hand I definitely had a soft spot for.

Lydia always used to say that I reminded her of Tommy Lee from Mötley Crüe. This used to bother me somewhat as I felt we looked nothing alike, plus I was a hardcore thrasher and he was a make up wearing "glam fag" as we used to call them. Over a decade later I saw the Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson adult video and I didn't mind the comparison so much anymore! HA!

Whenever I hung out with the sisters at Mr.Sub we usually had some good laughs at other people's expenses. We also gossiped about whatever or whoever was the hot topic at the time, but mostly we would talk about music since we had a lot of the same common interests as far as bands went.

I definitely felt some type of spark or vibe with Lydia and I embraced it. When I spoke with her it was like Laura wasn't even there, that's how lost I would get in the moment. I started getting the notion that the feeling was mutual with her, as she seemed happier each time she saw me. Eventually I mustered up the courage to ask her for her phone number. If I remember correctly I used some big party that was going to take place as an excuse to get her digits with the promise that I'd call her to give her the address and details.

Up to this point I had briefly dated three different girls since I stated high school, none of which lasted more than two weeks due to my impatience. If they weren't putting out then I would put them out. Looking back I realize how ridiculous I was being, assuming that now i was a high school guy meant girls would have sex with me within the first two weeks of dating. I really liked Lydia a lot and I vowed not to make such hasty decisions like I had in the past 7 months. I called her to give her the details for the party and we ended up talking on the phone for hours. My hunch was right, as she expressed her feelings for me as I did her.

I decided to ask her out and she said yes! I was ecstatic to say the least, I had a new hot girlfriend and as if that wasn't good enough she was also a metal queen! Life was shaping up nicely...

Haunting the Chapel

After discovering the new Public Enemy album via my friend Jeff, I was eager to ask Wayne if he had heard it. In case you've forgotten Wayne, he was one of the few white b-boys in my high school who was once a metal head. The same guy who gave me the Mercyful Fate record I never got to listen to because the older guys melted it with a welding torch.

I asked Wayne if he had heard the new P.E. album and he had, just like myself it was his new favourite rap album. As we talked about the album I brought up the song "She watches channel zero" and went on about how amazing and heavy it was. Wayne agreed with me on that one and he even knew the name of the guitarist from Slayer who's riff had been sampled, his name was Kerry King. Wayne also knew the name of the song it was sampled from...Angel of Death.

I proclaimed that I needed to get my hands on a Slayer album. To my surprise Wayne mentioned that he owned a Slayer record that he was willing to part with for a mere five dollars. I told him it was a done deal and we made arrangements for the following day.
The next morning I wrangled up a five spot and eagerly headed to school. Wayne and I only had gym class together which meant we wouldn't see each other until 11am. It was a long morning of anticipation.

When the time came we met up and sealed the deal. I was super stoked that I now owned my first Slayer album. I decided not to show it to the older metal guys in fear of them sabotaging my sweet vinyl again, so I tucked it safely in my locker for the remainder of the day. When the bell rang I rushed home to partake in my usual listening ritual.

The record was called "Haunting The Chapel" and it was a four song e.p. The cover art was nothing fancy, just the circular Slayer logo and the album title dripping in blood. When I threw it on my ears were subjected to the heaviest sound I had heard to date. I was quite shocked by the blatant anti religious banter within the lyrics. These guys were evil and felt no need to hide it or sugar coat it. I wondered if God himself was going to cast me out and strike me down for listening to this record, but by the end of it I was still in tact.

All in all I really enjoyed the album but I was a bit disappointed that the riff Public Enemy sampled was not on this album. I now had yet another new mission to accomplish....find the record that contained "Angel of Death"

Elanor Rigby

Although this post isn't really music related I feel like it was another defining and shaping moment in the journey of my life, so I've decided to share it with my readers.

Jerry's older brother Dennis had started dating a very attractive girl who was a die hard bible bumper. Generally I would have hated on such a person but this girl could have easily been a super model. One day Dennis told us she had a sister who lived in London England that was coming to visit, her name was Elanor and she was 19 years old.

Jerry's folks had gone away on vacation so the brothers had the house to themselves. Jerry and I harassed Dennis to invite the girls over and we also told him to see if they could bring another friend with them to even the odds. She agreed to bring her cousin and her sister with her. When the girls showed up we were all in heaven. Jerry immediately called dibs on the cousin, leaving me to try and land Elanor.

I had just turned 15 a few weeks prior and had no clue how I could try and hit on a girl who was four years older than me without surely facing rejection. I told Jerry and Dennis I had an idea I needed them to play along with. I told them I was going to claim to have just turned 17 instead of 15 with the hopes of standing a chance with Elanor, if I was even attracted to her.

When they showed up I was instantly enamoured with her. She was short and curvy with sparkling blue eyes and soft blonde hair. Elanor had a gentle voice with a thick English accent that lit my fire. Her skin was porcelain white and unblemished, and she definitely had the largest breasts I had ever been in that close of proximity too. I gave the boys a nod meaning the plan was a go and they had to stick to the story. Before long all three couples were in separate rooms and things began to get hot and heavy. It was a great night considering both Jerry and Dennis hit home runs while I contently hung out on second base.

The next day at school after gym class I started telling a few guys about her in the locker room, the next thing I knew I had peaked the interests of the whole class. They were all wide eyed in disbelief and paying me their full undivided attention. I was 15 dating a 19 year old, so needless to say I was like a legend amongst my peers. Elanor was only in town for two weeks and we made the best of it, spending every possible minute of every day together when the chance presented itself. And like clockwork the guys in my gym class would huddle around me in the change room to hear the erotic tales from the previous night.

A few of them started questioning the validity of my story claiming Elanor was someone I had fabricated, so naturally I brought her to the one place where I knew she would be seen, the mall! As we walked around holding hands I received nods and thumbs ups from fellow classmates who spotted us, Elanor blind to the public display she had been put on. When the two weeks came to an end I was sad to see her go, we said our goodbyes and never saw one another again. Although it was somewhat heartbreaking I had a sense of glory and victory. Even though I was still a virgin I had been with a real woman, and not a school girl...I felt like a man now!