Jenny 2.0

Day by day I was coping more with the passing of my close friend Jay Poole but deep inside I knew it was an internal scar that would never fully heal. They say that time heals everything, but even now 20 years after the fact I can honestly tell you that old saying doesn't hold true. 

Paul and I were continuing to plug away at his new sampler and it was both fun and very therapeutic. We had already came up with some pretty banging songs so far and it seemed that every new song we created was better than the previous.

I had eased up on the sauce quite a bit, but there was one good thing that came from my extensive alcohol binges. I had met a new love interest. Her name was Jenny and I had actually gone to high school with her. She was a girl I'd always admired from a far, but we were from two different worlds which I assumed was a recipe for disaster. 

Five years after graduating I had seen her one night at a bar in Brampton while on one of my benders. When I got home that night (or early morning) I decided to look her up in the white pages and gave her a drunken call at 3am in the morning. Surprisingly she answered. The conversation was brief, but I informed her she had a secret admirer. I left it at that.

I seemed to continue on with these intoxicated phone calls every time I was inebriated. Her curiosity was growing more with each call, but her patience was wearing thin as well. Eventually I mustered up the courage to tell her who I was, which I assumed would mark the end of our late night phone conversations. Much to my surprise she was still very flattered now that the cat was out of the bag.

We made plans to meet up a few days later and the rest was history. I now had a new girlfriend. Valentine's was just around the corner, and since I was never a fan of the holiday I decided not to get her a gift. The relationship was also very new so I assumed it was too early for gifts. Needless to say I felt like a complete asshole when Jenny showed up at my place with an extensive gift basket full of my favourite candies and even a carton of John Players Special cigarettes, which I had started smoking after Jay passed away. JPS were now known as "Jay Poole Specials" in my world and I started smoking them to honour my fallen brother. Every time I looked at that pack my thoughts were with him. 

It was quite obvious that I had landed a very thoughtful woman and I couldn't of been happier, especially after Tara turned her back on me in my darkest hours when I really needed a friend. Jen's generosities didn't stop there either, she was constantly doing nice things for me, picking up thoughtful gifts, and carting me around in her car to visit friends and partake in social activities & outings. I had even met her family, she had met mine, and it wasn't long before I was sitting down with hers for Sunday dinners. 

I had fully emerged from my dark place now. Between making new music with Paul and having someone to love in my life, my internal light was shining very bright. 1996 had started off as the worst year of my life to date, but I planned on grabbing it by the horns, owning it, and making it one of the best...

RAW IS PAUL

1996 was off to a terrible start to say the least. Wiggaz had broken up, our circle of friends was divided, and Jay Poole had passed away a mere 5 or 6 days after my 23rd birthday. I couldn't seem to get myself together, as all I was doing was drinking myself into oblivion. I always felt the need to get out and do something to clear my mind, unfortunately that "something" generally led to bars, strip joints, and excessive amounts of alcohol. On top of that I had found myself in a few fights since Jay's passing and that certainly wasn't helping release the pain I had deep inside. 

I was still hanging out with Scott & Pino quite frequently as I couldn't just sit at home. Unfortunately I was drinking a lot in their company as well, but they were great friends and I needed that during these hard times. Just when it seemed like my dark path of depression was leading me deeper and deeper into a void of negativity, there was still one positive in my life to bring me back to the light....music. I hadn't finished my song I started writing the day I found out about Jay, so it was now time to put pen back to paper.

Another very important ingredient to getting myself grounded again was my bandmate Pauly. Paul had recently upgraded from drum machine to an AKI sampler. Not only could we now sample beats, but we could essentially sample any sound from anything we wanted. This was going to elevate Black Belt Jones to the next level. Pauly started coming over religiously every Monday, and we would watch the newest WWF wrestling program "RAW IS WAR". After Raw we would head into my bedroom and work on music. This literally became my saving grace and it was the one thing I looked forward to most each week. 

I had kind of stopped watching wrestling around the time I graduated in 1991, I was still a casual viewer, but this new RAW show was ushering in what would come to be known as "the attitude era". It was actually unpredictable for once, had cliffhanger endings, and you really never knew what was going to happen each week. It was great to see a resurgence with unlimited potential.

It was also amazing putting my head together with Paul's each week and seeing what we could come up with. Once we composed what would be the "Jay Poole song" I was stoked to finally lay these lyrics down and pay tribute to my fallen brother. It was by far the most emotional moment in the history of my involvement with music. I literally had to fight back the tears throughout the whole recording, and you can literally hear the misery and heartbreak in my voice. On a positive note though, it really gave me the closure I needed and steered me towards the light. 

Pauly and I stared banging ideas out like mad and it wasn't long before we had quite a few new songs put together. Our next step in the plan was to work on recording a new release and to continue playing live gigs so we could showcase our new sounds and our new songs. Despite the fact he was still in the band with us, I really hadn't seen much of Mike C. since we had moved out of the Slayer house. I truly hoped the collaborations Paul and I were creating would garnish his approval, and I had faith that they would. After all we were coming up with some killer stuff, and Mike was definitely one of the easiest going, most laid back guys I had ever met. 

I'm not sure if Pauly realizes how important he was to me in these times, but I truly saw him as a savior. He's forever held a place in my heart, and to this present day I would still drop everything in a flash to answer his call or help him with anything. He was a true homie, a true brother, and a true best friend, and I shall cherish that until the end of time. 

Changes were occurring and they were all for the betterment of my life. I had cut my drinking down drastically, now limiting myself to only partaking on weekends. Musically the creative juices were flowing at an all time high. I was also making time to get out more and catch up with many of the friends I hadn't seen since moving home. I had seen the light, and followed it until I emerged from the dark tunnel of depression. 

Things were looking up...

Blackest Christmas

It had been a rough fall/winter to say the least. For the last month or two that we lived in the Slayer house we actually had no phone, which meant I couldn't contact any friends and they couldn't contact me, with the exception of showing up at my door. 

Once I moved into my parent's basement I had a phone line again, so naturally I was reaching out to friends to make time to hang out, with the exception of my former roomies. Well, I was still in contact with Mike C after all we were still in the same band together. 

Speaking of bands, Wiggaz was now no more. Greg or Rob had called me at my parents to inform me that I was no longer in the band. They had decided to ask Mike Myres, the original Wiggaz vocalist, to rejoin them again. Mike had left Wiggaz & BBJ to focus on his marriage and career. I pleaded that this was a big mistake as Mike wouldn't do it, but my pleas went unheard. Sure enough Mike turned them down and within a week Wiggaz was no more. I really had no contempt for Frank the drummer as he seemed to have no say in this, but I was definitely feeling betrayed by Greg & Rob. Needless to say I didn't go out of my way to continue friendships with them. 

I spent a lot of nights at Hooterville station drinking myself into abysmal darkness. Once the bar closed I'd generally head home and stay up watching tv until sunrise while making drunken prank calls. I was slowly sinking deeper into my dark place but now that I could talk to my friends again things were brightening up. 

A few days before Christmas I got a phone call from none other than Jay Poole. I was so relieved to hear his voice again and to know he was still alive. Jay was in very high spirits, he had beaten his leukemia once again and grasped a new lease on life. He was his old self, high energy, full of jokes, and he was overly excited to share some new Mortal Kombat cheat codes with me. We talked on the phone for a good hour or so and in all honesty it was the best Christmas present I received that year... or possibly ever.

3 weeks later we were half way into January of 1996 and I had just celebrated my 23rd birthday. The following night I was back in Woodbridge working my job at the gas station. It was a typically slow midnight shift as per usual, but business was about to pick up. 

I saw a very familiar vehicle pull up to the first pump, a tracker jeep that belonged to none other than my ex girlfriend Tara. I had no idea why she was here or what I was in for, but I assumed it would be negativity. I was expecting her to walk in and start fighting with me right away, but she had a very worried look on her face. She proceeded to tell me Sanjai had called her because he couldn't get in contact with me. The message he passed along to her was that Jay Poole only had about 4 days left to live. His leukemia had come back tenfold and the doctors had confirmed this was the end of the road for him.

Tara split pretty quick after delivering the news and my brain instantly went into overdrive. I was flooded with all the memories I'd ever shared with him. It was so much to process in such a short time that I felt my mind was about to blow out of my ears. I just couldn't deal with the news. I was so confused and overwhelmed that I actually locked up the gas station and started walking from Woodbridge to Brampton. I got a few blocks before my logical side kicked back in. I couldn't just abandon work and leave Shayne's mom in that predicament. I headed back to work and finished the duration of my shift, as extremely difficult as it was.

To deal with my feelings I did what I do best, write. I immediately started writing a song about Jay to try and cope with the bomb that had just been dropped on me. I only wrote one verse which was hard enough, I wouldn't go on to finish the song until after his passing. 

When I got home I could not fall asleep, I could not stop crying, and I could not stop thinking about Jay. I really had no way to go see him, so I humbled myself and contacted Tara and thankfully she agreed to bring me to see him. 

It was definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Walking in his hospital room and seeing him hooked up to tubes and machines, his face and body swollen almost beyond recognition. He looked very tired and he could not even speak. He shook his head side to side as to say "no I don't want you to see me like this". I stood at the side of the bed and held his hand, we stared into each other's eyes, and although we exchanged no words our gaze upon each other spoke volumes. It was as if I could hear his thoughts and he could hear mine. 

I stayed strong, said my goodbyes, and we were on our way back home. One of R.E.M.'s hit songs was on the radio, "Everybody hurts". I never liked the band, I never liked the song, and I never saw any importance or significance to it, but at this moment it forced me to break down like a child and ball my eyes out. To this day 20 years later it still pains me greatly when I hear that song. 

As hard as the experience was, I felt it would of been harder for me to deal if I didn't get to see him and say my goodbyes. A week later Tara was once again nice enough to drive Sanjai and I to Jay's funeral in Milton. It was a tough day no doubt, and afterwards we were invited to a local bar to share stories with his friends and family. Although we were there it was as if I wasn't there. Physically my body was, but mentally my brain was not. 

After the whole ordeal I was feeling very upset and I was now in the darkest spot of my darkness. I felt like if I was left alone I might do something drastically stupid, so I begged Tara to hang out with me for a few hours, to which she declined. If I ever needed her this was the time, but she chose to turn her back and walk away. This ended up leading to an argument, and in turn it was the last time I ever spoke to her. 

I continued my downward spiral of drinking, depression and negativity. I felt like I was in a black tunnel who's walls were slowly closing in on me. 

There HAD to be a light at the end of the tunnel....

A Slayer House Divided

Although things were going great for both of my bands respectively, things weren't so great on the home front. After both my girlfriend and Shayne's girlfriend had went their separate ways things had slowly been falling apart around the house. No one was cleaning or taking charge of any responsibilities with the exception of Noel, the treasurer whom we'd give our money to each month so he could manage the bills and rent.

Speaking of managing, Noel was looking to get into the music business and Wiggaz was now the first official band he managed. Our Malton bredren Dirge were soon added to the roster and Noel had taken his first few baby steps into a new life, one more glorious than working midnight shifts in a factory. Owen had completed the Wiggaz music video and we were all super stoked. It turned out amazing despite the fact all the footage was filmed for the song "Carnivore" and we ended up switching the music to the song "Seed" at the zero hour. Thankfully everything still worked visual wise and nobody was the wiser.  

Back on the home front, tensions were ever growing. Our kitchen counter was being over run by dirty dishes and no one was stepping up to the plates, pun intended. I literally made a conscious decision to eat take out for one month straight without so much as soiling a single piece of cutlery. Eventually Shayne confronted me one day claiming it was my turn to wash the dishes. Nobody had done them in months, and I told him I hadn't even used one dish in the past month. This escalated to an angered debate that resulted in the dirty dish pile continuing to grow.

As much love as I had for my BBJ bro Mike C, even he was getting under my skin. Mike had a knack to take the last of whatever you had in the fridge. I was all up for sharing, but Mike seemed to indulge himself at the inconvenience of others. He'd take your last two pieces of bread to make a sandwich, he'd drink your last beer, etc. Needless to say he'd rubbed all of us the wrong way more than once. His drinking was still quite extreme and he seemed to black out more often than ever. One night he passed out cooking burgers in a frying pan which resulted in a grease fire that threatened all of our lives. Thankfully Shayne and his quick yet reckless thinking were there to save the day as the rest of us stood around like deer in headlights.

I too was under scrutiny, my cat had kittens she had abandoned and I was so involved in my own life I didn't realize they were being neglected. I assumed putting water and cat food out for them was good enough, but they were so young they needed to be bottle fed milk, an undertaking that Shayne met graciously while resenting me for my lack of responsibility. 

The Slayer House had now become a boiling pot that was ready to blow it's lid off. Everyone of us were rubbing the others the wrong way in one form or another. On top of that stress my good friend Jay Poole had fallen into remission. His leukemia had come back to haunt him once again and I hadn't seen nor heard from him in weeks. Sanjai gave me any updates he could but he was somewhat in the dark too.

As all good things must come to and end, so did our lease. We all went our separate ways, and with the exception of Mike C I barely saw the other guys. Of course I'd still see Noel when Wiggaz played, but I literally didn't see or talk to Shayne for a year. That was tough, here was a guy I considered my best friend and somewhat of a mentor, and now he chose not to be apart of my life. 

I ended up moving back to my parents house as they had a basement appartment available. My folks would let me stay there to save money up for my next move. Our whole circle of friends seemed to be divided now. I was spending most of my time with Scott & Pino now as I still needed friends and a social life, and I was highly thankful those guys were there for me during this dark period of my life. We'd generally party at Pino's place and usually head out to the same local bars & hot spots each week. 

Inside I was hurting bad, my best friend didn't care to have me in his life, the tension with Mike had carried over a bit into Black Belt Jones, I still needed to find a new place to live, and to top it all off I still hadn't heard from Jay Poole. I feared the worst and for all I knew he could have been dead. It didn't help I was still working midnights for Shayne's mother which just added to my depression. I turned to alcohol as an escape and it seemed I was drinking away the pain every night. I felt it was the only way to escape my dark mind and thoughts, and the only way to get some sleep, which was always short lived at best each night. Alcohol is a depressant though and that led to a lot of mischief and acts of stupidity on my part. Months passed and my drinking and depression deepened. 

As Christmas approached  I desperately hoped that 1996 would bring a new light and a new hope with it...

Video Shoots 101

As one of the most memorable summers of my life was creeping towards it's end, that didn't mean the epic-ness would end with it. Wiggaz continued to play any and every show we could get and we carried forth with the peddling of our new demo tape. We were receiving a lot of great feedback which was reassuring, and we'd made a lot of new friends that summer, some in bands, some not. The same went for Black Belt Jones, we were performing whenever the opportunity presented itself, we were still moving units of our first demo tape, and we too had made a lot of new connections in the music world. 

Wiggaz had also finally started filming our music video with Owen Roberts. We headed out to the same area as the infamous barn bash to film some basic stuff; us walking through fields, burnt out barns, tossing a ball around etc. all while I swigged on my 32 oz bottle of Schlitz malt liquor from a brown paper bag. We eventually headed north towards Caledon so we could get a shot of us by the street sign for Oldschool Road. While in the vicinity we also captured some random tractors and incorporated Knuckles and his legendary white van into the shoot, with our new manager and longtime friend Noel riding shotgun.

A week or two later the culmination of the filming was now upon us, as we were scheduled to shoot more footage for our music video at a pool party. Our good friends Gary & Sue were hospitable enough to host an afternoon hootenanny at their house, well their backyard specifically. I had slept at Pauly's the previous night, and as hungover as we were, we managed to get our asses in gear to arrive for noon or 1 I believe. The boys had already set the gear up in the backyard, Owen was there with his trusted cam, and surprisingly there was already an abundance of party goers.

Gary & Sue had a pool, which ended up being the "mosh pit" for the video shoot. I honestly can't remember if that was a premeditated idea or if someone came up with it on the fly, but it was brilliant. One by one the boys all jumped in the pool and began a pit in the shallow end. All of our old friends were there, as well as our new pals from Viciousphere, Tire Kickers, and Knuckles crew "The Chutzpah Posse".

We were all feeding off of each other's ideas, which just kept the creative juices flowing. Someone would throw out a suggestion, we'd agree and roll with it. Asides from the moshing, we shot some people diving, friend's tattoos, people busting skateboard tricks into the pool, whatever came to mind. Owen had an idea for me to crowd surf on a group of guys who would then launch me high in the air to perform some of the most metal dives & cannonballs in aquatic sports history. Others followed suit and the camera kept rolling. It was quite hilarious and gratifying to be splashing around in jam shorts and a devil mask to be perfectly honest.

Pooh from EBS had come with his brother Knuckles, which was an honour to me. I knew Pooh had a sick little trick where he could make his shoulder blade pop out, so I insisted Owen film it. Any and every random idea proposed was documented. It was one of the best times I'd ever had at a party, and amazingly I was sober the whole while.

Once dusk hit most of the people had returned home for dinner and whatever plans they had for the evening. We stuck around to film some additional footage of us performing "live" on our instruments, which was an acoustic/lip sync scenario, that was very odd and foreign to me even though I'd done it in Grasshopper for some college kids school project, after all how does one fake it when one is so real? Regardless of that, we got the footage we needed and the day was a wrap. We'd performed earlier in the day while filming the pool pit scenes but I can't remember if we actually played live or played along to a recording. 

It had been one of the funnest and most memorable days of my life, and we were one step closer to completing our video...

UPDATE: 07/18/2016

Greetings readers, it's been awhile since I posted a general current update so I figured I'd fill you in on what's been going on with me. I've been trying to post at least twice a month in the ongoing story of Heavy Ghetto, and that has been a bit difficult to keep afloat. It really doesn't take me that long to write my posts, generally 30 minutes to an hour, but even that small window of time is hard to get my hands on frequently. Now with school being done for the summer I'll be spending a lot of my time with my son, but I shall still try to post twice a month if possible. Speaking of which, I'm proud to announce my little man passed with flying colors and he is off to grade 4 in the fall. 

As far as myself, I've been keeping busy with work while still taking the time to maintain my personal relationships with friends, family, and loved ones. On the musical front I've been scrambling to get my latest two full length albums complete and available to the public. Both releases "Theokoles" & "If You Want C.H.U.D." Are literally each a song or two away from completion. I was hoping to release one in April, but conflicting schedules with some of my collaborators are throwing monkey wrenches in the plans. If all pans out as I'm hoping, then both albums will drop before the end of the summer.

I'm pretty happy with the progress of both projects. Theokoles continues on where my last album left off, and once again I'm happy with my progression both musically and lyrically. I am an old-school guy and stuck in my ways, yet I always strive to grow a little and think outside of the box. I feel that definitely has shined through on my past few releases and the trend continues.

C.H.U.D. has been a tremendous amount of fun to work on, as I'm returning to my rap metal roots of the early 90s. This album will feature some material reminiscent to my old bands Wiggaz and Grift, some straight up trash and hardcore songs with no rapping whatsoever, and some heavy rap tracks that incorporate samples from classic metal songs. I'm even throwing in a few cover tunes that have always been inspiring to me. It's been a slice this far.

Looking towards the future, I've recently acquired some songs produced by DJ Moves, a Canadian cat who cut his teeth performing in such acts as Hip Club Groove, Len, and most recently Drunken Arseholes. I'm pretty excited to work with Moves two decades after our bands rocked shows together and its going to be interesting to see what kind of writing his music pulls out of me. You can expect a five song EP to drop this winter entitled "East Coast Alumni" and you of course know this is the only place to get the updates on that, unless you are a friend or follower of mine on other social media.

Well that about wraps it up for now. I'd like to wish everyone a happy and safe summer in advanced, and I shall return to you soon with more in the ongoing saga of Kabal...

I Am Elvis...

The summer of 1995 was off with a huge bang, and it was quite possibly one of the most memorable summers of my life. Wiggaz had been playing lots of live shows, we had a new jam space, new songs, and we had made a lot of new friends. Black Belt Jones were also performing frequently, we were still riding the wave of our second demo we had released earlier in the year, and we too had been making new friends and new connections.

The next event that transpired came out of left field. Wiggaz were set to record a second demo. If I remember correctly it was Frank who acquired a place for us to record through a friend of his. Essentially it was an empty office space that was quite large and located in the Rexdale area. We brought in none other than Steve Donohoe to be our sound engineer, and with him was his trusted 8 track recorder.

The first day of recording was fairly unexciting, as it consisted of the usual primary steps. Getting the drums set up with various microphones in their proper places which was followed by an hour or two of single hits on each drum piece as Steve fine tuned them into the mix. After that long but necessary task, the next step was getting the guitar and bass amps set up, once again setting microphones up and having Greg and Rob strum along until Steve had everything sounding the way he wanted it. We only had a weekend to get this demo complete, and the first day was practically spent on achieving the sound we wanted.

Day two would consist of the guys playing every song while Steve recorded, which generally took a few takes per song as we wanted everything to be perfect with no mistakes. The space we were recording in had an upstairs area, where I spent a lot of time just laying on the floor staring at the ceiling listening to the sweet sounds my band members were pumping out. It got a bit boring at times, but thankfully there was a strip joint within walking distance, which served its purpose well when it came to battling boredom.

After a very long Saturday of recording music, all of the songs were finally done. We had re-recorded new versions of a few songs from the original demo including: Carnivore, Death Metal Mama, Spray Cans, and Toad Loads. We also had quite a few new songs we had written in the past year; These Shoes, Wiggaz, R.C., Seed, and Field Party, which was our newest song complete with lyrics inspired by numerous outdoor parties I had attended over the years including Woodstock 91' and the infamous Barn Bash, both of which have been mentioned in this blog if you are keeping up with things.

When it came time to hit the vocal booth I was pretty hopped up from a days worth of beer drinking and whatever other recreational activities I had been partaking in. After we got a few songs done my throat was getting a bit sore, which in turn was affecting the sound of my vocals. Greg rushed out to the store and quickly returned with a package of extra strong halls, fisherman's friends, and a bottle of Buckley's cough syrup. The trifecta combo worked wonders  and my vocalizer was back in full function. I didn't know it that day, but the Buckley's would become a staple for me in future recordings. Most people can't handle a spoonful of it, but I've developed a taste for it over the years of recording which has enabled me to drink it straight from the bottle as if it was water.

After a sweaty, beer, metal, and stripper fueled weekend, our new demo was now complete. The only thing missing was a title for said demo. It felt like we were toiling with title ideas for weeks, although in reality it was probably only days....perhaps even hours. Nobody seemed to be coming up with any ideas, when from out of left field our drummer Frank proclaimed "I've got the title! I am Elvis, I died for your sins!" We all laughed in hysterics at his suggestion before unanimously deciding it was a keeper.

It was so irrelevant and odd, which is why I feel we liked it so much. I had never been a fan of Elvis by any means, but the thought of myself in an Elvis suit with the devil mask amused my mind to no end. We had now paid for hundreds of tapes to be manufactured and we had been selling them, even though they were absent of a cover and title. Once the title was finally agreed upon, I got into the drawing, cutting and pasting, and arranging of our new cover. A homemade DIY job which was standard in the pre-computer days. I combined images from comic books and my own illustrations to complete the final product. I was quite cheesy, which I felt was very suiting given the nature of our band and our music. 

Now that this order of business was done, we had another to return to,

completing our music video...